Daily post · Poem

Story of a little frock 

So many colours I see ,

Red ,blue,green, yellow to name a few .

Weft stress me while the warp ease me

They pushed me,

They pulled me,

Through thick and thin .

They tossed me ,

They turned me,

They twist and tilt me

End I came out –

Sang the little pretty frock . 

Essay · life experience

The First,The Second . 

I was in no hurry . I was working till the last working day . I wanted a decent salwar kameez to wear . No, I did not travel too far or visited boutiques over boutiques to get one . Along with my bestie , we traveled to the nearest city and got one . It was not so grand not so exquisite , but still a not bad one . Walked to the nearest store to get a pair of matching sandals . I did not bother to do luxury facials or body polishing or any specific beautification . Just two days before , I did my routine stuffs from my regular beauty salon. Asked if any of the staff working there can drop in to my home two days later for a quick touch up .This was how I got ready to get married to my today’s husband almost five years back .

I was in a similar scenario some nine years back too . But , there were lots of planning and arrangements done by parents and relatives . Choosing the wedding attire ,food to be served for the guests, wedding hall ,invitation cards etc.,everything were planned and prepared in advance . Everyone around wanted everything to be perfect – no flaws to be seen,no flaws to be talked.All these done , we started living together to realize we are poles apart . Two people who could never strike the cord of harmony . Parting ways after a brief period of togetherness , it removed so much vagueness and gave me a better insight to my own life . Many who’s,whys and whats were answered to myself . Moreover this was a real life changing experience . The best lesson learned was to put the foot down firmly to say a “NO” if needed. Many in India, get married in an arranged way (Both families liking each other and bride meets groom  only couple of times .) . This is more of a family issue than about the couple . In this game , getting the right partner is more luck . Some have it ,some enact as if having it , some dont have it but cant walk out and some walk out .I walked out and decided to let go off all the negativity surrounding me – I had losses , my career, my 1.5 years, my time ,energy and lot more . But the gains definitely overpower all those .

Two years later ,when WE decided to start afresh new , I was not bothered about what to wear ,which salon to visit ,how much wedding shopping to be done or anything . Materials never occupied the mind , but it was more of knowing each other and talking about what we are and what we expect .We knew we could rely on each other and get a fresh life.We knew we could pull on together . We knew we could respect each other and move ahead .We knew we didn’t share similar political ideologies. We know we didn’t like same food ,in fact we liked the opposite of each other.We knew we had a roller coaster ride and we wanted to start afresh. There started days with something to look forward to.

I was comfortable in a simple salwar kameez ,a small necklace,a stud and bracelet . Yes ,that finished the wedding attire .I got questions -Why are you not wearing your jewelry ? You could have worn more jewels? You could have chosen a saree, you could have tried a better colour – Sorry people,I’m out of it -I dont bother all these comments . I have reached the stage of maturity wherein I do what makes me happy ,not what makes the spectators happy or contented , and mind you – you dont know what I faced or how I moved on from an abusive relationship . So your comments will fall on deaf ears .

These are the real tests .You come out more evolved and more of the real you .You know to ignore many things and choose peace.You know what you want in life .The most important thing – the self realization.You learn to talk for yourself ,act for yourself and moreover to fight for your inner happiness.

Its not about the numerical first or second ,but about finding a peace within .Its all about being yourself and being contented and happy at the same time.

life experience

To my daughters,with love

Dear daughters ,

The first time I saw two pink lines -I was happy and I was expecting them too . I was happy that I’m pregnant ,a tiny seed of life growing in me .The instant wish I had was ‘I want a healthy baby girl”. That is the tiny story of ‘A’ coming to this world.

Two years flew  and we saw two more pink lines – and I prayed the same.’ I want a healthy baby girl’ . People around me were curious – it should be a boy/ looks like its going to be a boy / you want a girl or boy ? Yes ,no one asked me if I wanted a girl. Questions over questions were linked only about having a boy baby . Not that I dont like boys,but because I wanted a baby girl very badly . So came my little  ‘N’ .

Babies , you both are gonna be my darling babies however big you grow up or whatsoever position you girls take .While penning these ,you dont even know to read or write -but one day will come when you understand these .

I know ,we have brought you to a dangerous world -a place which is not going to be easy to survive . A place where you might be mocked or knocked for your religion or skin tone or locale or any xyz. A world where terrorists and pedophiles pose equal threat . Me and your father need to be hawk eyed all time .Yes, such is the world now .We need to equip you to be fighters and headstrong . No ,we dont intend to grow you up like”boys” .But the real girls – who know to stand up for themselves ,who can  think and act ,who can drive and cook ,who have opinions and decisions . We dont want you to be another melodramatic submissive queen as seen in soaps.

Dear A and N , you are not pressured to bring  laurels or to stand first in the class .We just want you to do your best . We want to bring  colours to your dreams .We want to see you achieving your dreams and soaring high . Go grab your seats to study anything anywhere in this world and we’ll not stop you from getting there. Go , be an entrepreneur if that is your calling . On a flip side ,if you need to have a silent simple life – go for it .Go for anything you want in your life .

Live with lots of compassion and happiness ,fill the lives of your dear and nears with love and joy . Travel around the world ,meet people,talk and explore different cultures . Know yourself- know what you want and what you dont want .Enjoy being yourself. Being “your true self  ” is the best gift you can give yourselves.Read ,Read,Read – everything from hardy boys to romeo and Juliet to classics .Read fiction,non fiction, biographies and anything you can find .

One day ,you will read this and you have to read this .You need to know “our dreams” for you . We want you to know how much you little girls make our life .

With Love,

 

Essay · life experience

The Dark Chocolate

“So, she might be Mr.A’s daughter?” Some lady in her forties (or may be fifties) asked to my aunt looking at me. She definitely didn’t look happy seeing me and her question was more of a pity than of a surprise.

“No,She is Mrs.X’ s daughter” my aunt replied to which this lady’s eyes almost popped out and without any hesitation she asked with an alarming tone “ Is it ?? Then why is she so black??”

Hardly eight or nine years, long long ago had I never known my skin tone was such an issue. Moreover this one incident has set its place deep down in my mind that I even started accumulating thoughts over this bland statement of some lady whom I don’t even know!!

Fast forward to many years ahead, I heard many direct and indirect statements from so many ‘well wishers’ whose sincere intentions was a good life for me (you may read married life or as they say “to get settled”), many bits and pieces of advices on how to improve the skin tone or how to look presentable in front of grooms family or how to take a photograph of mine!!! Never did I muster some strength and courage to snap them off.

People around me were racists, but I didn’t know this word then. I was a kid, an eight year old who loves to play. But sadly, I was growing up in a racist age and today I am living in an even more racist society. Growing up, being a professional and living around professionals also I’ve heard enough about improving my complexion. That gave the most important realization – this is not anything related to ones education or culture or socio economic conditions, its deep rooted in a vast majority of people which needs a real conscious pull off. We reach an age of maturity when we start realizing these are trivial issues, we learn the art of ignoring or snapping nasty comments, we become stronger and bolder and move ahead. But this doesn’t happen as such. Days or Weeks or Months pass by when we indulge in self guilt trying to comprehend over the situation and come out of it.

But how are we preparing this society for our kids? Are we still transferring these age old sickness to them? Are we making this earth a better place for them? I need to shout out a big “NO” as the answer. The majority are striving to be racists and claiming to be secular –the sad irony of our youth. So, what shall I do? My kid who is just three get to hear about this – so what do I do? I am her confidante ,I am her solace ,my words have high impact on her .So that’s my strength – I tell her people are in different colours so much like any other animals or birds or vehicles and everyone are beautiful . I repeat to her – She is intelligent strong and beautiful, I repeat it many times a day or night before we sleep and as soon as we get up. I try to make the feeling strong and concrete in her so that she gets the courage to respond to the racists comments anytime in her life. No one told me these anytime in my life – instead they gave me fair and lovely!!!