Essay · life experience

The First,The Second . 

I was in no hurry . I was working till the last working day . I wanted a decent salwar kameez to wear . No, I did not travel too far or visited boutiques over boutiques to get one . Along with my bestie , we traveled to the nearest city and got one . It was not so grand not so exquisite , but still a not bad one . Walked to the nearest store to get a pair of matching sandals . I did not bother to do luxury facials or body polishing or any specific beautification . Just two days before , I did my routine stuffs from my regular beauty salon. Asked if any of the staff working there can drop in to my home two days later for a quick touch up .This was how I got ready to get married to my today’s husband almost five years back .

I was in a similar scenario some nine years back too . But , there were lots of planning and arrangements done by parents and relatives . Choosing the wedding attire ,food to be served for the guests, wedding hall ,invitation cards etc.,everything were planned and prepared in advance . Everyone around wanted everything to be perfect – no flaws to be seen,no flaws to be talked.All these done , we started living together to realize we are poles apart . Two people who could never strike the cord of harmony . Parting ways after a brief period of togetherness , it removed so much vagueness and gave me a better insight to my own life . Many who’s,whys and whats were answered to myself . Moreover this was a real life changing experience . The best lesson learned was to put the foot down firmly to say a “NO” if needed. Many in India, get married in an arranged way (Both families liking each other and bride meets groom  only couple of times .) . This is more of a family issue than about the couple . In this game , getting the right partner is more luck . Some have it ,some enact as if having it , some dont have it but cant walk out and some walk out .I walked out and decided to let go off all the negativity surrounding me – I had losses , my career, my 1.5 years, my time ,energy and lot more . But the gains definitely overpower all those .

Two years later ,when WE decided to start afresh new , I was not bothered about what to wear ,which salon to visit ,how much wedding shopping to be done or anything . Materials never occupied the mind , but it was more of knowing each other and talking about what we are and what we expect .We knew we could rely on each other and get a fresh life.We knew we could pull on together . We knew we could respect each other and move ahead .We knew we didn’t share similar political ideologies. We know we didn’t like same food ,in fact we liked the opposite of each other.We knew we had a roller coaster ride and we wanted to start afresh. There started days with something to look forward to.

I was comfortable in a simple salwar kameez ,a small necklace,a stud and bracelet . Yes ,that finished the wedding attire .I got questions -Why are you not wearing your jewelry ? You could have worn more jewels? You could have chosen a saree, you could have tried a better colour – Sorry people,I’m out of it -I dont bother all these comments . I have reached the stage of maturity wherein I do what makes me happy ,not what makes the spectators happy or contented , and mind you – you dont know what I faced or how I moved on from an abusive relationship . So your comments will fall on deaf ears .

These are the real tests .You come out more evolved and more of the real you .You know to ignore many things and choose peace.You know what you want in life .The most important thing – the self realization.You learn to talk for yourself ,act for yourself and moreover to fight for your inner happiness.

Its not about the numerical first or second ,but about finding a peace within .Its all about being yourself and being contented and happy at the same time.


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