Daily post · life experience · Poem

Tame stories in my life 

I have a girl , a head strong girl 

With opinions and decisions ,

With likes and dislikes ,

With logics and illogics ,

Who talk on face , with no fear . 

People advise me – to tame her ,

To make her less vocal

To make her quiet 

‘Coz she is a girl , they say . 

Hey people 

‘Why can’t she talk ? 

Why can’t she express ?’

She is born to live ,every moment 

Not to die every passing second . 

……….

Born with curly springy hair

Born when curls were looked down

Born with dusky skin tone

Born when ‘fair’ was only approved 

People said – 

Do this , do that 

Tame your hair to make it straight

Apply this /that on your face

To make it fair and beautiful . 

Hey people , 

‘Why can’t I be myself?

Why can’t I live as myself ?’

……….

I hear they say 

‘Our son is the best 

He has no likes or dislikes 

He has no choice too

He has no opinions too

All he say is a ‘yes’

And we decide for him’

Others nod at the parents 

And say ‘how lucky you are !!’

Hey man

‘A man in thirties with no opinion? 

A man with no decisions ? 

Why do you live then ? 

A man or puppet ? 

Live a day before you die’.
These are all something which happened in my life . I’ve seen parents taking pride in saying their kids dont have any opinions or decisions . I’ve heard direct as well as indirect advices to make my kid such a puppet . Then and now , I wonder how could one live with no opinions/ ideas throughout his or her life . It is equal to killing yourself – a kind of suicidal living . 

Daily post prompt Tame

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Daily post · life experience

Fashionable 

Throughout my life , from wherever I can fetch my memories , I can say – I was never a fashionable person . I was more if a ‘comfort’ person . From school days to college to work days to this day , when I have an infant and pre schooler with me almost always – my easy choice to wear is whatever comfortable . ‘Coz that I hardly step out of this comfort zone , attending family functions like weddings/ receptions are a herculian task for me . The so called party wear dresses summed up with two tiny girls are not less than up hill task to manage . All I want when I wear them is , get off from it asap . Let it be clothes or shoes or hand bag or make or hair do – I’m the person who goes with the most easy /comfy/ simple ones . 

But , I’ve lots of admiration for people who dress up everyday or dress up incredibly beautiful for occassions . I admire their patience in doing all those . I admire people who walk effortless in high heels . I admire people who wear body hugging clothes easily . I admire people who dont tie up their hair in this hot humid climate and walk as if they are in an air conditioned room. In short , I admire those who do things which I can’t . 

That’s about me ; how about you ?
Daily post prompt Fashionable . 

Essay · life experience

The “how’s” and “why’s” of marriages around me . Part 1

Two people meet,they talk , they find each other interesting and keep seeing , talking and finally get married . If things go well , if they remain understanding , sincere and patient throughout the life the marriage goes on , Else they separate to find a better life for each . 

This might sound a normal scenario . But , that is not the case around me . Come let’s have a peep into some real time conversations happening . 

This happens in India – the land of diversity – diversity goes from languages to religions which further divides to castes , diversity in skin tones to hair textures , diversity in food we eat and festivals we celebrate . Its all diversity in a jar . Travel towards South India , you reach the very own “God’s Own Country” , Kerala . This is where I’m born and brought up . 

Come to a home where the son is of marriageable age ( Yes , we have such ages . If a man wants to get married when he is 21 or 22 it is considered too young by the society ) the most common conversations go as follows . 

Mother ( mostly the final decision maker ): “She should be fair , educated and at least at par with our financial standards” 

“Fair, tall, slim , educated, religious and should bring atleast $$$$ dowry . As gold , cash and car . After all my son is earning $$$ . So definitely he deserves these”

“ Fair , slim, educated- but we wont let her work and  from a well off family . No dowry demands from out side , let them give what they want”.

There will be fathers in these family – but mostly they dont have any much opinion at this stage except to nod at their wife . 

But sisters do have opinion , like “ she should be beautiful , she should be fair or slim .. “ 

Lets come to the Hero hero , the would be husband . What does he say ? 

Assuming he do not have any girl friends to be considered as life partners , the most cliche statement will be “ whoever my mother and sister likes !!” ( We can wonder why he even chose to get married , for the sake of mother?or sister ?”) 

A handful have a decision to say “ I’ll find the person , you dont have to worry about it .” 

Let us assume , the person was in a long term relationship with someone . He prefers to take this relationship to a marriage and live together ( living together before marriage is not yet accepted in the society ) . 

Mother : “ What ??You want to marry her ? She is not suitable for you . Her family doesnt match ours . Her fathers job is &&& only !! Her uncles dont have proper earning . Her auntys father in laws sisters daughter eloped with some one. Her maternal grandfathers brothers wife’s sister is mentally unstable” .  Do you find this hilarious or insane ? But it is a truth that if the family does not like a girl , they would come up with any sort of reasoning to stop it .Yes, our parents want us to be independent and yet dependent always and anytime . Major life decisions like what to study or whom to marry are almost always parental decisions . But a kid is given his independence in eating Lays or Prinkles , going for a movie or outing , are fine with most parents . 

Inspite of all this if the son goes ahead with his decision : 

Sobbing mother “ She would have done some black magic . Else my son would never do this”

Consoling aunt “ He would have got a much better , beautiful , rich girl . What did he find interesting in her ?”

Some Uncle /Aunt “The gold she wore was too less , and her family also do not look aristocratic .He shouldn’t have married her”.

Father “ Let him decide, that is his life . But he has brought a shame to all of us”.

And for some unfortunate reason , the marriage collapses. Now , 

Mother “I told you , she would never suit you” or “ we knew it from day one itself that this wont last” 

Some uncle /aunt / relative “ The girl and her family looked very substandard . So we knew this would ultimately happen “ 

Father “ Atleast from now on , listen to us”.

In case the marriage survives , both husband and wife would definitely be strong willed fighters who has decided to be together forever . They may have to fight for a week or few weeks or months or years even . 

This is just one side – the grooms side . The other side , the brides side in the next post . 

Note: This happens in most of the families around me irrspective of their socio economic status . Let them be educated or not , holding high official positions or not, most of these happen . 

To be continued …. 

Daily post · life experience · Poem

Being myself 

My head nodded a ‘yes’

When my mind blasted a ‘no’ ; 

My lips moved a ‘yes’

When my heart leapt for a ‘no’;

I smiled at people 

When I wanted to shout at them;

I attended the functions 

When all I wanted was some alone time;

End of the day –

I went to bed with a heavy heart

And woke up with unhappiness and negativity; 

Untill –

I realized 

Pleasing people made me sick 

My heart was critical 

My mind was frustrated

And 

All this ‘coz I tried making all happy 

And I chose myself to be unhappy

But 

I couldnt understand 

Why I did it ?

What I gained from it ? 

I wonder still –

And

I’m not a people pleaser today

I havent changed 

I am just being me . 
Daily post prompt <a href="Critical“>critical. 

Daily post · life experience · Poem

Partner 

Once upon , 

I woke up to days with heavy heart

With a man in my bed , my partner 

But far away from heart 

Sharing the same roof 

But only quarrel and abuse 

Naive and young then 

All I thought ‘ this is life ‘ 

Untill I walked away 

To peace and positivity. 

Now, 

I wake up to days smiling 

With a partner lying close 

Who is my heart and soul 

Who is a super dad to our kids –

Who cuddle in between 

A partner who ask me to ‘write’

A partner who ask me to ‘talk’

A partner who do what I like

A partner who push me to look the best

A partner who push me to excel 

A partner who motivates me to do best

A partner who assures ‘I’m with you ‘ 

A partner who is a ‘real partner ‘ . 
Life had shown its variety in my life too . Once young and naive I was in an abusive married life without knowing those were abuse . Now married to the right person , I can very well say – being with the right person is more important,than being with ‘someone ‘ at the so called ‘right age ‘ set by the society. 

While in school , I’d been a person who loved writing. Writing was my medium rather than talking . But life takes you in different routes , and I totally lost writing. My husband encouraged me to restart my blog which I had been using once ( the idea was in my mind , but I was in dilemma because I wondered if I would ever find time to write with two tiny kids ). So this blog , this article is for my husband !! 

Daily post prompt Partner

Daily post · life experience · Poem

The battle

Gone are those days –

When we had battles for brushing

A toddler on one side

Parents on other .

We beg her first

We bribe her next

We try to threaten too

No budging yet !!

Untill her dad holds 

And mom brushes 

A daily routine –

Once upon a time !!

The little girl

Slightly over one then 

Is over three now 

And we fights less 

To brush . 
Every mother has a battle story . For me , if it was brushing battle then , it is bathing battle now . This takes various forms as days pass on . Even though it was a tedious task then , I laugh as I think about it now . 

Dailypost prompt Toothbrush

Daily post · life experience · Poem

The ‘Tea’ story 

Over a cup of tea ☕️ 

We met for the first time 

Talking earnestly 

Eating a sandwich and cutlet 

At a small bakery ; 

But five years ago !! 

…………

 Black tea lovers 

Having it any time 

Asking for it anytime 

At home or outside 

But one is just three years 

The ‘like dad like daughter ‘ duo !! 

……. 
Daily post prompt Tea